November 3, 2018: Yesterday my baby girl turned 3 and tomorrow marks my 33rd journey around the sun.
I decided to mark this event by finally editing and sharing my ONE and only birth photo from Sienna’s birth.
This was taken half an hour into my transition to motherhood at 11.01am on November 2, 2015.
I had just spent the last 7 hours in the bath 🙈
When we arrived at the birth centre (after a 40 min drive at 1:30am via BP so Hayden could get a coffee 🙄) I asked to be checked.
I had my heart set on a water birth and I was loosing it.
I needed something to ground me.
When my midwife said I was 5cm and I could get in the water a new wave of energy surged through me. I was half way. I could do this.
During the next 7 hours so much inside my head changed. As each wave hit, it relentlessly chipped away at that positive energy. I wasn’t listening to my body. I was fighting it. Nothing was fucking happening.
I felt like I was failing.
I felt lied too.
I felt locked in time.
I felt so bone tired.
Even when I was able to fall asleep between surges towards the end these thoughts clogged my brain.
This is the only photo I have to remember that night. It took me a long time to process my birth and decipher what my brain blocked out at the time.
What I know now, without a shadow of a doubt, is that I fucking rocked my water birth and I am devastated that I don’t have any more photos of Sienna’s labour and birth. Nothing to physically remember how my mum kept her composure as I begged her to make it stop. How my midwifes unwavering voice spoke to me through the fog, encouraging me to keep going. The look on Hayden’s face the moment he became a dad and held me and Sienna in his arms.
What I do have is this photo.
A photo my mum took. On her old iPhone. With her shaky hands. I will treasure this forever. Thank you mum ♥️
If you're interested in having your birth journey documented, you can get in touch with me here or if you're still unsure and have some questions, just do the same and ask away – can’t wait to hear from you!